Wunderlich

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, Im married but Im not happy. I just got divorced and I dont want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, its necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure its going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.

My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start?

First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You cant be in relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.

Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just dont have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Dont you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because its just too much work to change it?

Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a marriage or committed relationship that IT will take care of itself.

One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?

It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Lets say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, youre physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you dont trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable.

WRONG!!!!!

Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following:

1. Desire to be in relationship

2. Self esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person.

3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt.

4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs.

5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person.

6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person.

I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Buy my book http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime

Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com

Request a consultation http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com

e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

"I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!"

818-548-0849

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It is estimated that as many as thirty million men in the United States suffer from, at least, occasional impotence. Many therapists and physicians today believe that as many as 85% of all cases of impotence, have some physical basis.

Impotence occurs when a man loses the ability to achieve or maintain an erection adequate to perform normal sexual intercourse. Some of the factors that can lead to impotence include the use of certain medications, alcohol, cigarettes, sexually transmitted diseases, and chronic illness such as diabetes or high blood pressure.

The Association for Male Sexual Dysfunction recognizes over 200 drugs that may cause impotence. Most people today know smoking and eating fatty foods lead to the production of plaques that clog arteries and block the flow of blood to the heart. These plaques can also block the arteries leading to the genitals interfering with the ability to maintain an erection.

Recommendations:

• In the morning, drink the liver flush; 8 oz. Apple juice (or dilute with water),3-6 cloves of raw organic garlic, and 1-2 inches of raw organic ginger root- mix well in blender. This drink will help flush the liver of toxins. Also, raw garlic kills Hepatitis on contact. Appl Environ Microbiol, 62(11) November 1996, p.4238-4242.
• Eat a high fiber diet including plenty of fruits and vegetables and whole grains. Also, see foods that heal. These foods will scrub arterial plaque off the walls of your arteries and reintroduce a healthy blood flow to the genitals.
• Investigate the possibility of heavy metal intoxication, this can be done through hair analysis.
• The following "live" (just squeezed) juices are healthful; beet, carrot, celery, currant, cranberry, citrus fruits, parsley, spinach and watermelon. These easily absorbable juices have highly concentrated nutrients that are essential for healthy blood vessels.
• Eat 3-6 cloves a day of raw garlic, as it has been repeatedly shown to lower cholesterol. There are simply too many studies on this subject, but we will reference a few here; all of these studies confirm garlic's ability to significantly lower serum total cholesterol levels and the accumulation of plaque (one study exhibited this effect within 5-14 hours). Parmacotherapy, 13(4), July-August 1993, p. 406-407 AND American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 34(10), October 1981, p. 2100-2103 AND Journal of Postgraduate Medicine, 37(3), July 1991, p. 128-131 AND American Journal of Medicine, 94(6), June 1993, p. 632-635
• Herbal detoxification products may be helpful in cleansing the body of heavy metals, chemicals and other harmful poisons. We suggest using formulas that use organic, whole herbs. If interested, take a look at some very high quality herbal detox cleanses.
• Beneficial herbs include Sarsaparilla which contains a testosterone-type substance for men, Damiana is good for improving blood flow to the genital area, Dong Quai, Gotu Kola, Hydrangea Root, Pygeum, Saw Palmetto, and Syberian Ginseng (use only organic herbs).
• We also suggest a high quality whole food supplement, like VITAFORCE that is complete and made from whole foods to help correct nutritional deficiencies.

Things to Avoid:

• All Animal Foods: dairy foods (milk, cheese, butter, cream, ice cream), fish, meat, chicken, turkey, eggs, fried and greasy foods, margarine, and all other processed foods and animal derived products from your diet. These foods are laced with chemicals, pesticides, and toxins as well as high levels of saturated fats which have a very damaging a draining effect on the body.
• Salt, tobacco, caffeine, sodas, coffee, sugar, and refined white flour (breads, pastas, cereals- replace with whole wheat pastas, breads, and cereals). These products are extraordinarily destructive to the body.
• Avoid stress.

References:

1) James F. Balch, M.D, Phyllis A. Balch, C.N.C, "Prescription for Nutritional Healing," (1997)

2) F.G. McMahon & R. Vargas, "Can Garlic Lower Blood Pressure? A Pilot Study," Parmacotherapy, 13(4), July-August 1993, p. 406-407

3) A. Bordia, "Effect of Garlic on Blood Lipids in Patients with Coronary Heart Disease," American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 34(10), October 1981, p. 2100-2103

4) J.V. Gadkari & V.D. Josh, "Effect of Ingestion of Raw Garlic on Serum Cholesterol Level, Clotting Time and Fibrinolytic Activity in Normal Subjects," Journal of Postgraduate Medicine, 37(3), July 1991, p. 128-131

5) A.K. Jain, et al., "Can Garlic Reduce Levels of Serum Lipids? A Controlled Clinical Study," American Journal of Medicine, 94(6), June 1993, p. 632-635

Scott Malin is rapidly becoming a widely respected writer on the subject of nutrition and detoxification. You can find excellent advice about how to successfully detox in a safe and healthy way at: http://www.organichealthandbeauty.com/New-Detox-Diet_ep_227-1.html

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There are nonsurgical options for prostate cancer.

Hormonal therapy is just as popular as surgery, but maybe dismissed by many urologists as unproven. Many patients whose cancer has spread throughout the body find relief through reducing the amount of male hormone in the bloodstream which is what the cancer feeds on". Without testosterone, impotency is almost inevitable.

One such drug is the DES (diethistibestrol), a chemical that is similar to estrogen (a female hormone). Although DES brings with it a longer life and lessens the symptoms, it does have side effects. It kills a mans sex drive, and many men report the nearly female effects: breast enlargement, thinning beards and even scrotal shrinkage.

LH-RH Agonists (Leuprolide and Goserelin) can be used in later stages of prostate cancer. This is a synthetic pituitary hormone that regulates the release of testosterone into the bloodstream. After triggering an initial rush of testosterone, it causes a drastic decrease in testosterone which then starves the tumor. The side effects are occasional hot flashes, headaches, or impotence. It is usually administered through injections or implant pellets.

Antiandrogens are hormones that inhibits the action of testosterone on cancer cells. It is also marketed to the brand name Flutamide, and it is frequently used in conjunction with other hormone treatments to lessen the pain of advanced prostate cancer

Immunotherapy is a method used to build up the body's natural defense against diseases, including cancer. Some doctors combine immunotherapy with chemotherapy to help patients through the later stages of prostate cancer. Other sufferers use natural cures and herbs to help their bodies fight the cancer.

Radiation and Hyperthermia

Scientists do know that temperatures of 105F or higher are deadly to cell division and weak cells. Scientists are attempting to put this information to work on prostate cancer by combining it with radiation to kill cancer cells.

When applying heat to the whole body or to the localized area prior to radiation, it seem s to be more effective than either treatment alone

There are Enzyme-inhibiting drugs such as Proscar by blocking production of an enzyme that triggers production of testosterone.

Chemotherapy is usually considered a last resort for many cancer patients. The chemicals directly attack the cancer cells but usually end up killing many healthy cells as well.

These are only a few of the treatments available for prostate cancer patients. Please discuss with your doctor as to what treatment may be the best option for you.

Fern Kuhn, RN
http://www.prostatecancerhelp.info

Copyright 2005
You may reprint this article as long as the link is active.

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I am a success story, and you probably are too, you just don't know it

Have you ever reflected on your life and wondered if you've been successful. Well the chances are that you are successful, but you just need the right measuring stick!

I am guessing that most people are similar to me, and often weigh up what you have done, you will reflect on all of the things that you

1. Have done,
2. Could have done and
3. Should have done

Conversely when you arein more of a negative frame of mind, you will think of the things that you

1. Haven't done
2. Couldn't have done and
3. Shouldn't have done

People often need a sense of belonging and often crave for approval in their lives, and need a feeling that they have been successful

Do you know what? I think that the vast majority of people are successful and that they just don't know it, because they are using the wrong measuring stick, and moreover, even if they haven't reach the pinnacle of success that they desire, they could by adjusting their sights properly.

The tendency to compare yourself with others is the measuring stick by which most people tend to use to see "How well have I gone?". Well the truth is, I believe, that we should NOT compare ourselves to David Beckham if we are a soccer player, or Bill Gates if we have a penchant for computers, but we should have a bit of a look at ourselves and see what we are good at and what we can do.

I will pick my Dad as an example.

Now my Dad is a very bright and intelligent man, but I don't think he knows it.

What are his achievements?

Well in summary

• Got a scholarship to a grammar school
• Went off to WWII
• Two Tertiary Degrees, one in the 1940's and one in the 1950's
• Traveled to the UK and worked there
• Married an English lass, and then proceeded to bring up 4 children with Mom
• Owns his own home (with Mom)and has travelled to Europe and Asia on numerous occasions
• Worked in various companies until he was forcibly retired aged 60
• I could go on ad-infinitum, but I think you get the picture

Would you consider that a successful life?

Heres the rub, nearly everybody does, except Dad? Why is that?

If you are always comparing yourself to JFK's or the Rockerfellers, Gates, Elvis Presley or Mother Theresa's of the world, there is a fair chance that you will come to the conclusion that you a dismal failure.

All of us have something that we are good at. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that does not matter, because imagine how mundane would it be if we were all the same.

You may not be the best athlete, businessman, comedian or artist, but take what your good at and embrace it, focus on it and use it to the best of your ability, and you will be successful.

Recognize your talents and appreciate those with different talents

"Viva la difference"

Look for your passion and you will be successful too!

Nigel Reed has developed 3 websites based on his passions. golf, soccer and computing
See how your passion could help you earn some extra money

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