Wunderlich

Itll almost make you faint, charging out of the house into one hundred degree heat after youve sat dead still indoors like a zombie for three full hours. Even our freshly tarred street is seriously blistering in the convection oven outdoors, making me wonder what will become of me and my sister if we dont reach the cooling aid of the pool water in time. Youd think that our heavy sweat might help to chill us if we could catch a breeze, but not a leaf is shaking on the trees.

Cmon Jenna, youre walking too slow, my sister says. A trickle of sweat drops from the side of her flushed chin.

Well, youre not the one carrying the backpack full of pool stuff." I bicker back.

As we walk, car engines grind in the distance, roofers pound, and radios blare from backyards. Its amazing how you cant get away from loud noise even when you turn off the TV and go outside where hushed nature supposedly lives. The world is so deafening I can barely make out the weathermans words streaming live on the air from my neighbors pool. I think hes joking about todays forecast being for sunburn and frizzy hair. That makes me smile to myself, the picture in my mind of people walking around with bright red skin and afros. But then my smile fades right away when I realize that Im right out in the middle of that forecast. I dont know what I was thinking. This level of heat is not funny in the least.

Jenna, why are you being so slow? Toni asks again, straightening her terry cloth shorts and matching tube top. Sorry. I pick up the pace to walk in step with her, to the beat of the Rolling Stones song, Beast of Burden thats blaring from another neighbors radio. Its an appropriate song to walk to while schlepping towels and beach bags up an asphalt incline. It helps me walk faster. After ten more minutes of climbing I stop again, this time to pop a tar bubble with my toe and daydream of having a boyfriend who would come by on his bike with a big squirt bottle full of water and haul me up the rest of the hill, leaving my sister behind. I desperately want this boy hero, especially today. He will be an adorable teenaged rescuer and he will take me away from all of lifes stiff, cruel, and sweltering consequences. I can just feel his tender touch and bright grin that will grant me the great thrill of abandon. A glob of hot water trickles out of the tar boil I popped, calling to mind those hot wet kisses Ive had with boys in the past. Kisses like that make me forget about being nervous and anxious and lonely all the time.

The twenty grueling minutes have finally passed. At last were bearing down on the pool. The sound of tweeting lifeguard whistles and playful young voices is so close now, calling to us, saying yes there is rest for the weary.

The entrance to the pool has a heavenly scent of chlorine mixed with cut grass. We unpeel our sweaty clothes inside the cool change rooms until were down to our one-piece bathing suits. Its dizzy out into the sun baked poolside inferno where the hasty temperature change has made me light headed. Still, I race Toni to the high dive, flinging my towel, clothes and backpack on the lawn nearest the deep end. Getting to the stairs first, I climb up fast to pound on the board thrice -- bounce, bouuuunce, bouuuuunce; then shoot up into an exhilarating gunshot lunge. For the moment I feel like air. My body feels tight and straight and light. I dive downward breaking the surface with a deep plunge into the cold water. The strong current washes clean against every inch of my body, sucking the sweat from my skin.

Circling up and down the blacktop outside the pool is a boy my age looking tall, tan and tempting. Hes confidently perched on a BMX bike, hypnotizing me with his precise movement and clever action. Flipping belly down on my towel now I lay on the grassy rise, peering from underneath the nose of my pink baseball cap, scrutinizing his every move. My gaze returns time and again to his muscular legs that begin at his thin waist and end at his sock-less ankles and white canvas shoes. I think hes beautiful the way he appears so playful, like a boy, even though hes almost fully grown.

The street outside the fence is quickly teeming with girls of all races, sizes and ages, stacked up on top of one another, hoarding the asphalt nearest the biker, like theres a banquet there and this guy is the main course. I guess theyve all found something theyre hungry for. But Im hungrier. Hes the prince Ive been dreaming about. Hell make me forget about my troubles at home. I suddenly want the love of this boy in the worst way. And I decide that Im going to get it. It isnt going to be hard, either. After all, I know the secret weapon. I read it in my Teen magazine. Its called the lust factor.

I wrap my towel around my waist focusing on feeling the pleasure of my wet body against the warm, dry cotton. Im just the right amount of sweaty and salty to be appealing, not smelly thanks to pool chlorine and Tussy deodorant, the cheapest special I could find up at the local convenience store. Ill be right back, Toni. I say. Acting like I dont notice the biker and all the girls in his vicinity, I stand on the sidewalk outside the pool grounds. I act disinterested in a way that normally commands any boys attention. But it doesnt work on him. His focus stays fixed only on his bike and the road below it. I start toward the gathering of girls around my future guy, feeling very confident to try my second approach on him.

Whos this demon on wheels? I ask boldly, flirtatiously, cutting through the crowd, directly asserting my intention to get his attention. I dont know where those words come from, but Im glad I say them. They work. The bike rider looks up at me in surprise, keeping his balance by hopping sideways on one wheel, bouncing over to me like Tigger, smiling a giant goofy smile that makes him seem less perfect, more real.

Im Jeff, he says to me with an open mouth, an out breath - a huff and a puff that might just blow my world down.

● ● ●

Just as sure as the dandelions rise to the golden summer sun, Jeff has come knocking on my door every day for two weeks, ceaselessly balanced on his trick bike. Today hes particularly fired up from all his heat-of-the-day action, but its actually me whos sweating, panting, pawing to get outside with him before my own static electricity shocks me. Just looking at his boyish eagerness, his fifteen year old lust makes me want to test out my newfound sensuality, the teenaged desire to touch and be touched. I havent been grounded in weeks, so Ive been taking advantage of my free time by kissing Jeff in the hot streets of Knightford Heights. We kiss so often in fact that we decide we might as well be going together. Lets make it official, Jeff says, and invites me over to his friend Bobbys house for an all day swim.

Of course, I say. Wait right here, Ill change into my suit.

Im still not allowed to have people inside so I leave him leaning against the warm brick as far under the shade of the roof beam as he can get, looking out into the crisping grass, spending entire minutes of his personal time doing nothing but waiting for me.

I go through my Moms bags of new clothes in the basement to dig out just the right bathing suit, a blue one with an anchor stitched in. Yes, an anchor. Attached, secure. My clothes fall off in a hurry, replaced by a beautiful blue swimsuit. I tear off the price tags, and give my hair a quick brush. The wooden handle clacks down loud on the dresser where I toss it. With my open palms on both my cheeks, I press my colossal smile down to tame it.

Ok, I cant afford to keep Jeff waiting a second longer. If I do, I should expect him to be gone because everybody knows that leaving is what guys do if you keep them waiting. My Grandma hiccups in the other room, then coughs, Where you goin? I usually ignore Grandma, but this time I kiss her sagging cheek, noticing she smells like a cardboard box. Out with Jeff, I say smiling like Alfred E. Neuman on a rollercoaster, flying down a one way track to mad love.

Jeffs bike looks deserted, dead, lying lonely in the ankle high grass of my front yard. Catching sight of it as I come back out my front door makes me fully elated, because it means Jeff hasnt gone anywhere. He actually waited for me.

That was quick, Jenna, Jeff says, reaching toward me from his seat on the pavement step, pulling me onto his lap, steadying me for a kiss. He gives me a quick peck on the lips; just the right nudge to get me feeling giddy again. I yank him up. Lets go, Lemur.

A few barren blocks separate my house from Jeffs friend Bobbys. What normally is a tedious hike over familiar territory is now new and invigorating. Jeff performs tricks on his bike all along the way, staying gracefully suspended on one wheel, riding circles around me, using every curb, every stone, and every inch of pavement like props in a great production. Feeling highly energized, intensely light by our pairing, I cant help but bolt down the street. Jeff gives chase, playfully skirting my heels, cutting me off with rims of rubber as I run. I feel almost indestructible now. I sprint even faster, bounding with an immeasurable sense of freedom the kind of freedom you can only feel when youre fully, romantically, attached.

Attached.

Jenna, this is Bobby, Jeff introduces me like a gentleman, setting his bike down to take my hand. Ive never met Bobby, but everybody knows who he is. Hes the kind of guy who doesnt need to do tricks on bikes to be admired. He just naturally lights up the hallways of my school with his boyish grin and bubbly personality. Hes got a clean way about him -- a genuineness that people just want to be around.

Our shadows stretch far away from the rounding summer sun, painting solid stripes of shade across the glassy pool water. Bobby bares his belly first, tossing his shirt in the grass. His pretty pony-tailed girlfriend Lisa and I lay our towels down beside the water. I leave an open length of towel beside me so Jeff can sit and cool his legs in the water and begin pouring sweet affection on me.

Wow, youre beaming, Lisa says, elbowing me in a friendly way. You must really like Jeff, huh?

I blush and smile just as Jeff runs past me, stepping on his half of my towel, a launch pad of sorts, for his crashing cannonball entry into the pool. His plunge flings a wave of water skyward, cresting and slapping over the left side of my head, matting half of my hairdo. I have no choice but to slide into the pool and sink under the surface before anyone sees how my flip went flop.

While Lisa and Bobby splash and toss each other in the shallow side of the pool, I have to settle for watching Jeff try dumb looking dives for laughs. It isnt what I had in mind, but I have to admit the way he twists his body and crashes into the water with that fake surprised expression makes me laugh so hard, a very unladylike wad of snot comes out of my nose.

I clear my nose and look over at Bobby and Lisa to see if they saw me. No. Theyre not watching me or Jeff. Theyre watching each other. Bobbys got a sweet and sentimental hold of Lisas weightless bikini clad body, and so it would seem; her heart. Her legs seem to wrap three times around his lean waist. Thats right up close and personal. Nose to nose, his broad shoulders are neck and neck with her narrow shoulders. They race for the gold prize, the winning kiss and they both prevail.

I look down at my body. The water makes my skin look greenish and my normally narrow hips look like huge blobs. The stitched anchor on my bathing suit looks rippled and warped underwater. My spirit sinks. Jeff never slows down enough to look in my eyes like that. But there are obviously boys who do. Boys like Bobby. He thinks the world of his girlfriend, and I think that maybe thats more the kind of guy Im looking for.

Jeff tugs at my ankles from the pool floor, smiling bubbles up at me with his hair stretching out like a black waving water plant. He looks ridiculous. But he doesnt care how silly he looks. I slip away from his grasp and spring up the pool ladder to dry off on my towel, testing to see if hell lie down next to me. Theres no question, I decide. Hands down, Jeffs a good guy. And hes all mine.

● ● ●

Im seeing a few other girls. Its Jeffs way of explaining where hes been why he hasnt been coming to my door for the past few days. I need my freedom. But I want to keep seeing you, he adds hopefully. Hes staying put on his bike, gripping the handle bars, seemingly ready to steer away at a moments notice, depending on my reaction.

Jeffs comment triggers something ugly in me. Its the same feeling I get when my Dad talks about freedom, loving freedom, wanting freedom. I think people tell you they want freedom for a reason. Its a big hint from the very start, so that when they start to keep you at arms length you wont be surprised. Fair is fair and you were told up front that freedom was the rule. Jeffs hands are on his handlebars for Gods sake.

Dont expect anything from me unless youre lucky. He mustve whispered that to me sometime when I wasnt paying attention. Thats the deal. But I never shook on it. And that makes me feel like Im back underwater again holding my breath, grabbing for that emerald green treasure while it skirts away from my hands and sinks, deeper, and deeper, and deeper down.

Believe me; I realize its not natural to clutch at things, at people, at love, just because you want them. But when you feel like youre falling down a long dark pit toward emotional isolation, its very hard to stop trying to seize the very first thing you see and hold onto it for dear life. This whole situation with Jeff reminds me of a breakup I had last school year. It started when a girl in my class and I were claiming that we had the same boyfriend. We were both so adamant about being his only girl that we decided to go directly to the source. Wed let him say whose boyfriend he was. When we found him, we found out. See, he had his arm around a third girl.

That was the day I decided I was never going to let any boy make a fool out of me. I made a beeline straight toward him and I said, Excuse me. Just so you know. Im not your girlfriend anymore and I never will be again. It made me feel strong telling him what I would and would not take from a guy. And even though my sweet reward for standing up for myself didnt come right away, it did come. A few months later, my ex-boyfriend finally did come to his senses, asking me for forgiveness, wanting to be my boyfriend again. Unfortunately for him, it was about seventy days (and seven girlfriends) too late.

So I know Ive got to break things off with Jeff right this instant, because I dont want what he does. I want to be closer to people. I think thats what freedom really is arriving at such a great and powerful willingness to be close to other people that you gratefully take your hands off your handlebars, realizing with relief that you are at last ready to show people your eyes instead of your back.
If you want to see other girls, go ahead, but Im not going to be one of them, I say, breaking up with him abruptly, determined to put myself back in a place of power.

Ok, if thats the way you want it. He agrees much too quickly for my own comfort. And the next thing you know, hes convinced me to kiss him goodbye. Its the best kiss Ive ever had, and so I let him kiss me again and again until the kisses start to taste like tears -- tears of admission that my heart has broken wide open again. He holds my head close to his body, the scent of his sweet sweat intoxicating me one last time. I try to memorize the smell. Then I pull apart from him.

Its so hard.

But I do it.

I ditch my wish for a boy hero.

And I walk away.

JENNA FORREST, B.S.A. is the author of Help Is On Its Way - A True Story, the first memoir written specifically to unveil the shocking secrets that some real life kids keep hidden.

Throughout her career as a media-trained professional, Jenna has also been able to encourage the most pressing passions of adults, teens, and children in order to get them manifested where it counts, at the heart level.

Recently, Jenna's work has evolved toward writing as a way of reaching larger audiences. Her most recent project, Help Is On Its Way offers a genuine reminder that hope perseveres in the face of even the most daunting circumstances. Help Is On Its Way is Jennas contribution to the trend in mainstream books, television shows and films featuring extra perceptive, intuitive characters.

http://www.amazon.com/Help-Its-Way-True-Story/dp/0979229812/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-9

Peyronie's disease is painful and can make having sex difficult. You may end up with problems with your partner because of it. As you seek out a cure for Peyronie's you will quickly learn there is not one. This does not mean you do not have options to help you deal with and cope with this disease. Let's look closer at what causes Peyronie's disease and why it does not have to ruin your life.

First of all you do have options when treating this disease. Treatment or surgery are both options, but sometimes Peyronie's disease improves without treatment, so your doctor may initially recommend a wait-and-see approach.

How do you know if you even have Peyronie's disease? How do you get it? Doctors and researchers don't completely understand what causes Peyronie's disease. A number of theories include:

1. Trauma to the penis from being hit or bent abnormally while erect or during intercourse may cause small tears in the tissue. It may also cause small blood vessels in the penis to rupture and bleed internally. Abnormal healing can result in the development of hard, thickened scar tissue (plaque) under the skin of the penis. With repetitive trauma, the plaque may develop tough fibrous tissue (fibrosis) or calcium deposits (calcification) and result in the deformity.

2. Some studies suggest that Peyronie's disease may be an autoimmune disorder. Your immune system may respond abnormally and cause plaque to form in the penis. It is interesting to note that Peyronie's disease isn't related to other autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis or lupus.

3. Peyronie's disease may be caused by an abnormality in the Collagen that builds and remodels connective tissue.

4. Some drugs list Peyronie's disease as a possible side effect. Most of these drugs belong to a class of blood pressure and heart medications called beta blockers. These drugs are also used to treat glaucoma, multiple sclerosis and seizures. Developing Peyronie's disease as a side effect of these drugs is rare.

Although an injury to the penis may explain acute cases of Peyronie's disease, cases that develop slowly or disappear quickly with no apparent trauma to the penis remain unexplained.

Peyronie's disease is a relatively uncommon disorder. If you are having problems during intercourse or your pain is so severe you can not deal with it you should see a doctor. Although there is no cure for Peyronie's disease together you can develop a plan to treat it and make it less miserable for you.

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Why is it that men want to find out about how to look their best, but unlike women, they dont talk to their friends about it? Is it that men are so afraid to admit they want to do what it takes to look their personal best? Is it that they learned from childhood and the media that men arent supposed to be into such things? Is it that they have a fear they will seem feminine if they want to take better care of their skin or hair? Observing men at the skin care counter at various department stores one gets the feeling that before they approach the counter, they look both ways to make sure no one is watching them! God forbid anyone they know may be there and what could be worse then if they walk over to say hello and theyre holding a tube of skin cleanser - what will they think? For whatever the reason is, its time men let go of the stereotypical thoughts that prevent them from achieving looking they way the want to. Its okay to tell your best friend that you found a skin cleanser that you really like. Its okay to tell your significant other that you found a face scrub that is great. Its okay to bring up to your guy friends that they must try a moisturizer, shaving cream, razor, etc. that you really like. Its okay to tell one of your guy friends that they could have better skin if they started taking better care of it.

Mens grooming products, including skin care, shaving products, hair products, etc. are a booming business. Millions of dollars are made by companies who realize that men want in on looking great. Its wonderful that we have so many choices these days, but its time to start talking about it! Thanks to the internet men can buy products on line without anyone knowing. This is great because we have so many options and you dont have to leave your home, or risk being seen purchasing such things at the stores. But I ask the men of the world, please consider being more open about your grooming with your friends. Lets make it easier for the coming generations. If we start now, the labels in the minds of people who judge will change over time.

On another note, there are men who want to look their personal best but dont have a clue about what to do. In the book Grooming Secrets For Men men can finally find out exactly what to do! Everything from how to have perfect skin to how to trim unwanted body hair, to getting the closest shave without irritating your skin, and other great tips are covered. The best part is you can do it all from the comfort of your own home. Be proud of wanting to look your personal best! Remember, the goal is to look your personal best. Be real with yourself and remember the goal is not to look like the guy on the cover of some magazine, but to look the best YOU can look. Another benefit of doing what you can to look your best is that you will feel better about yourself. This of course leads to higher self-esteem and more confidence what a winning combination to experience!

In conclusion, do your best to look great, be brave and proud to go to the skin care counter to try or buy products, start telling others about what youre doing to look so good, and always remember that when you do what you can to look your best, you feel your best, and nothing is better than looking and feeling your best.

Author David Scott Bartky helps men all over the world look their best with the techniques and advice offered in his book "Grooming Secrets For Men" which can be found at http://www.thestylishman.com