Wunderlich

Every man loves that look a woman gives to let you know that she's interested. Whether you want her or not, the look that gives us validation that we are desirable, and it's is a feeling we love. She gives that look because there's a question in her mind and she knows what answer she wants. We need to understand the question.

I wish I could go further with that opening and tell you what she's thinking. Unfortunately I am not a female brain swami. I am just an average man. However, I do understand how to keep that look coming back. I do understand that if a man can bring the right shoe, then her foot will be the perfect size for it. Even if she sees a pumpkin pull up to her front door, romance can make her feel as if she's gliding though in a chariot because of who she's with.

One Valentines Day, I made a card. I cut out hearts and pictures from the sales papers and decorated four index cards which I slipped into a slot I'd made inside the card. Each card was a homemade coupon for something personal or intimate that my partner had been asking for or loved, such as two hours of holding in the bed on a Saturday morning. The coupons were to do each thing well and with a good attitude. The cards had no expiration dates. My partner was so moved that she never cashed in those cards.

What I love most about romance is that it never goes out of style. The rules are simple and its something we can all do with a little effort. It requires your desire and a willing and responsive recipient. It lets her know that you can go and fight a war, and still handle a rose without bruising the petals. She sees herself as that rose. I took a risk once and gave a woman the first rose in my yard from that season. I told her first, I heard that when you give someone a rose and it lasts a long time, then it means it was given with love. About ten years later she finally mentioned to me how long that rose lasted. Fortunately, I had picked a fresh rose because I really don't know how long those ones in the store have been sitting there.

The real truth is that she'd arrived unannounced while I was doing the yard. It didn't matter how much I wanted her because she was interrupting. Instead of ushering her away, I looked over, picked a rose, said something to make her feel special. I asked her to go and put it in water. I told her I'd be in as soon as I was finished, giving myself back my time that she'd invaded. She'd impulsively dropped by because she wanted to feel good and so the I, the romantic man, gave it to her. I could have just told her I was busy, but there's better ways to let her know your boundaries.

Think of it this way: children want their parents attention more than anything we can buy them. Adults are no different. We never really grow out of that. The basic rule of romance is to give someone undivided attention put into action. Romance highlights a passion for that one person.

I was single at 22 years old. I worked for a catering service and there was a pre-med woman my age who was so beautiful that I thought she could put a picture of her face on anything and it would sell. I had never met a woman so exotic and sensuous, and she was single as well. Every guy who worked there was constantly hitting her up for a date except me. She had an older sister working there as well, and the sister and I became friends. The older sister saw me for who I was and one day we had a conversation about the princess she had as a younger sister. With that recommendation I got a date. The problem was that I didnt have a car or access to one, and I was worried about how I would compete with this other guy coming after her with the new BMW. The only tool besides my own personality I had was to rely on romance.

I had my best friend drive his fathers 4 door full-size car to pick her up for the movie. I greeted her at the door with a friendship card. It wasn't too pushy or formal, and the movie date was to be casual. We rode in the back seat. I paid for my friend to get into the movies, but he sat on the other side of the theater. A double date would have been easier, but having my friend chauffeur us made her feel special, especially with me being as poor as I was. The rest was easy, all I had to do was to be myself, and within a week I was officially dating someone who I considered to be a beautiful rich girl with a brain.

Theres some basic rules that I follow for a successful romantic exchange.

1) Be honest. Leave the game somewhere else. A smooth talker might get some sex but a romantic gets all of her.

2) Take notes of what other people do and improvise. A tailored evening just for your partner goes a long, long way. For example, if you can't afford to take them to dinner, then create a restaurant scenario with a menu you've created in your living room. Suggest the order, (even though one item is listed), serve wine, and don't forget a sensual dessert that includes lots of whip cream and chocolate. You can serve dessert on each other instead of making more dirty dishes.

3) Never give the impression that you've been too busy all day to think about them, even when you really are too busy. Periodically, leave short arbitrary notes in personal spaces in their home. The action has been pre-planned, and it doesn't interrupt your daily flow when you're away. The person who gets it has that moment of discovery and thoughtfulness when you don't have time to give it.

4) Never stop the romance. You will never reach a point when you don't have to do it anymore. Romance is not a measure of how much imagination you have. It is actually the desire to make someone feel as if they are unique and special to you in an intimate way.

5) Keep it personal and private. Let her tell everyone about it, and she will, but you never say a word. If she discusses it in front of you to others, your smile is the only reaction youll need.

6) Dont overdo it. A little romance goes a long way. Keep what you do nicely spaced apart and your efforts will continue to be special.

7) Be clean and well groomed. You want to appeal to all of her senses.

8.)Women like impractical things when it comes to romance. Get something fuzzy or cuddly like stuffed animal. They also like red things, and every woman wants to feel sexy. Just be genuine and be very clear about the meaning of the gift. Don't give her heart gifts without letting her know how you feel and what it means for you to give it to her. With a stuffed animal, give her an idea of what you want her to do with it and do not cross any boundaries that you will regret later. That kind of 'heat of the moment' doesn't pass for her and later on she'll remind you of it.

9.)Don't confuse love with romance. If you combine them she'll get that message. She's probably better at spotting love than you are, but even so, you must communicate your intentions. Don't focus on what you don't feel or don't want. Instead, highlight the moment for what it is.

10) Eliminate negative language. Dont criticize, and make it a point to worry about issues later on. If your plans don't work out, don't be rigid and get frustrated. Be at ease and stay positive. She wants to see your confidence and maturity and she'll follow your lead. You can either be a man to get a woman, or be a child to get a mother. Do the best you can with your situation, and just casually tell her what you had planned after she sees the effort you've made. You'll still get there because you've made your romance a time the both of you will enjoy.

David Barton is a Ronald McNair Scholar and has won numerous writing awards and cash prizes, including the 1995 Texas Soar Student of the Year and represented the University of Texas, Arlington in the national Elie Weisel Writing Competition. He began his editing career at the Fort Worth Star Telegram's weekly real estate magazine, and has worked as a freelance writer, copy editor, and managing editor for a weekly college newspaper as well.

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