Wunderlich

Do you have to be a sommelier to know something about wine? Well, if you want to tout yourself as an expert, perhaps but if you just want to enjoy a good glass of wine, go with your gut - or rather your mouth - and enjoy what tastes good to you. So, why not host a wine tasting party? Now before you hit the panic button, get uptight and claim to know nothing about wine, stop! We aren't proposing you sit around discussing bouquet and barrel fermenting. We want you to have a little fun.

You can buy wine tasting party kits from various sources on the internet and local shops. Don't want a kit? Here's what you need:

• Guests - think about whom you know that likes and drinks wine and keep the numbers small
• A few bottles of wine that you think you might like - both red and white. Depending on the size of the crowd plan on 2 bottles of each type. Or for an added twist, ask your guests to each bring 2 bottles of their favorite wine. If you do this you will need them to email or phone you with the wine information ahead of time.
• Printed wine tasting cards that list the wines you purchased with some information from the bottle
• Pencils in case guests want to make notes about their favorites
• Wine glasses. We recommend 2 per person. One for tasting and one for later
• Plain saltine or oyster crackers for guests to cleanse their palates
• Still (plain) water for rinsing
• Some good music, good conversationalists and a sense of fun!

If you want to add an extra flare to the party, why not serve a variety of champagnes instead. Have friends bring cava, prosecco, sparkling wine and champagne instead of a red or white wine.

At the end of the event, serve some crackers/bread, cheese and fruit or some other small/light appetizers and offer each guest a glass of his/her favorite wine. Wine charms are a fun thing to introduce at this point. Each person can pick her/her own and attach to the glass. Put on some music and enjoy the company. However, above all things, drink and serve responsibly!

Indra A Books, author of this and many other lifestyle articles is the owner and founder of ON THE GO 4 U, Personal Shoppers & Concierge Service in the Washington DC metropolitan area. The companys creed is to provide its clients with the ultimate life management experience. In addition to its shopping and concierge services, ON THE GO 4 U also publishes a monthly e-zine and conducts workshops on wardrobe, entertaining and decorating. For more information about the author and ON THE GO 4 U, please visit http://www.onthego4u.net

2005 Indra A Books, ON THE GO 4 U. All rights reserved.

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Introduction

Question: At what point does a dating relationship turn sexual if youre looking for a lasting relationship?

The reader posing this question goes on to say that in his experience, sex too soon in a dating relationship seemed to make the connection all about sex, while waiting for an extended period of time resulted in men perceiving him as a tease or being uninterested in them for anything but just friendship.

So whats a guy to do? When is the right time to have sex so as not to sabotage the development of a potentially healthy relationship with a compatible dating prospect? Well, the long and the short of it is that there is no right time! Theres no science or magic formula to negotiating the right time to be sexual to guarantee lasting success. There are no guarantees in relationships. What it boils down to is each individuals readiness and comfort level with taking things to that next step and keeping the channels of communication open.

So while theres no hardfast rule, this article will offer some tips and questions for reflection for you to decide when the time is right for you to take things to the bedroom level. Through this content, perhaps you will discover some factors that might promote the opportunity for success of a long-term relationship that you can integrate into your own dating plan and sexual decision-making practices.

Sex & Gay Dating

Sex is obviously a very important part of a relationship. In gay dating, sex actually plays a vital developmental role in helping a man to explore his sexuality during the coming-out process and forming his identity as a gay man; its a healthy rite-of-passage. Sex plays other roles though in gay culture. Its purpose can be for:

*pure recreational fun
*tension release
*a thrill for conquest
*a rebellion against heterosexist norms
*an uncontrollable addiction
*a way to boost ones self-esteem
*a mask for emotional problems
*a temporary cure for boredom or loneliness
*horniness gratification
*a vehicle for avoiding emotional intimacyamong others.

For you, as the serious dater seeking Mr. Right, your vision for the primary purpose of sex is as an expression of your feelings of adoration for one another, cementing a bond of closeness and connection as you begin to seal an identity as a couple with the intention of life-long commitment. Your job is to adequately screen your dating partners to determine if their vision for sexuality and life aligns with yours. Its when theres a mismatch between these visions or differing motives from the purposes above that leads to relationships ending before they even got started when sex enters the picture early on.

Knowing Thyself

Before you even begin your dating adventures, you must have a solid vision in place of what and who youre looking for. What are your personal requirements, needs, and wants for a life partner and a relationship? What does dating mean to you and what does it look like? What are your sexual values and attitudes? The answers to these questions become your guide for detecting the right vs. the wrong types of guys youre seeking.

Sex is so glamorized in our gay culture that the pressure to succumb to its powerful influences can be overwhelming. Thats why you must have a plan in place before you date so you can more readily stick to your guns and not be swayed by temptations or other forces. Knowing yourself and your values is key. Your beliefs about the role you want sex to play in your dating life will shape your behavior as such.

Meeting Mr. WonderfulNow What?!

Its hard work creating your own vision, but then to assess another guys vision for compatibility is another feat thats not easily accomplished in one or two dates. Its a process. Thats why introducing sex too early into a dating relationship can be sabotaging because the relationship gets defined around sex before a foundation of trust and intimacy has been established. This isnt to say that meaningful relationships cant evolve from a sex-based affiliation, but in a lot of cases premature sex can send the wrong message or tone that then permeates the entire relationshipand it can be irreversible. Not to mention determining your new guys sexual values and motives discussed earlier may not be so easily detectable in the early stages of dating. And finally, once you have sex, all objectivity can go flying right out the window and that can make screening your new lovers true compatibility with your vision that much more blurred and obscure.

Most gay dating experts agree that a wise approach for those seeking long-term relationships is to hold off on sex for at least 3-4 dates with a man. This allows time for a friendship to develop, to screen each other to the best you can for goodness-of-fit, and lets the relationship be defined around common interests, goals, and mature companionshipenduring qualities that highlight successful relationships. Sex alone is not sufficient to carry a lasting partnership. Youll also be able to tell in a lot of cases whether the man is genuinely interested in you or if hes solely after sex or gratification of other motives. Once you have sex, it changes the dynamics, so its important to pace the relationship.

The Sexual Floodgates Are Opening!

So you and Mr. Wonderful are now at the stage where the chemistry is bubbling over and you cant keep your hands off each other. Youve gone out at least several times and the compatibility you share seems to be indicating a green light. Before racing off to the bedroom (or other creative carnal lovemaking spot!), ask yourself these questions to avoid getting hurt and to make sure this is the right time for you to get naked:

Why do we want to have sex now? What are our motives?

Do I feel physically and emotionally safe with him? Am I able to be vulnerable with him with my body and emotions?

Do I feel cared about by him? Does he show genuine interest and curiosity about me in other areas of my life other than sex? Does he respond to me non-sexually?

Am I able to be myself freely around him? Do I feel good about myself when Im around him? Do I like the man that he is from what Ive learned about him so far?

Are we able to communicate openly with each other? Have we each engaged in enough self-disclosure to feel comfortable about each other? Have we been able to express affection to each other thus far?

Does he demonstrate dependability and loyalty? Do I feel like a priority? Do we have mutual respect and support?

Additional Tips Before Taking The Plunge

Make sure youve talked about your sexual histories and have had discussions about sexually transmitted diseases, safe sex, and beliefs about monogamy vs. nonmonogamy. While this may seem like itll take away some of the excitement, it doesnt necessarily have to do that. Make the discussion part of the erotic foreplay and explore your sexual values, attitudes, preferences, and fantasies together to heighten the intimacy and get to know each other more intensely. Make it part of the turn-on and build-up.

It may be helpful to communicate to dating prospects something to the effect of Im very attracted to you but I dont have sex until I really know someone. A frank, up-front assertive statement such as this will certainly weed out men who potentially match your vision vs. those who dont. You may get lots of men who abandon ship, but they werent meant to be and now lots of time and energy has been saved for you to continue your quest. Remember, its quality, not quantity.

When youre in the waiting phase and holding off from sex initially, continually create allure and intrigue to keep your guy aware that youre still interested and find him attractive with respectful flirting. A lot of gay men have been conditioned to equate no sex with rejection and could be sensitive to sexual fasting, so give him lots of positive strokes to keep the spark going without playing games.

While the argument could be made that having sex right away can help bring to light whether youre sexually compatible, keep in mind that it all comes down to your personal requirements and what you deem most important. Also remember that sex gets hotter the longer a couple is together (practice makes perfect!) and that sex tends to be more passionate and fulfilling when a foundation of emotional intimacy has already been developed.

Finally, no matter how much prep-work youve laid out to be a successful dater, there will be times when youll make a mistake, have a slip of poor judgment, or the other guy will bail for no apparent reason. Be kind to yourself and remember youre human. Take ownership for where you went wrong and get back on your dating plan. You have no control over how the other guy behaves. Be mindful too that sex is a loaded issue for a lot of people and unresolved intimacy issues is a big culprit for seemingly good dating prospects bolting out of nowhere shortly after a sexual relationship begins. Protect your heart, be patient, and never give up hope that your Mr. Right is out therethe timing just hasnt been right yet.

Conclusion

Sex means different things to different men. As a gay man searching for a life partner, introducing sex into a dating relationship takes faith and trust. There is no right time necessarily to be intimate, but realizing that sex and relationships have completely different mindsets with different attitudes and behaviors can better help you decide where and when your sexual first with Mr. Wonderful fits best into the timeline of your vision for a long-term relationship. Stay true to your values and remember that its not a numbers gameits about being successful with the right guy..Mr. Right!

2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services (http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com), in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a free monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the 2005 self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion."

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You’ve watched The Secret. You listen to Abraham. You understand the Law of Attraction and have a positive outlook, most of the time. But what should you do when you notice your thoughts are taking you in the opposite direction of your dreams?

Here are 5 Quick Fixes to help you come back in alignment:

1. Breathe! Every day, you have 20,000 opportunities find your center, your connection. Take a few deep breaths with your awareness on them and you’ll find you’re in a better place instantly!

Remember: breathing in, the belly fills; breathing out, the belly falls. Relax and let your well being flow.

2. Use Music Music is a way to help you "Stay Tuned." We respond to music because music is vibration and we are vibratory beings. We respond on a cellular level and it has an effect on every aspect of how we feel. Law of Attraction Music, Positive Music and Sound Healing lift our spirits, soothe the soul and give us a way to express feelings beyond words. Look for music to support meditation and manifesting, or songs that are affirmations you can sing. Music can help you shift your mood, replace negative thought patterns and raise vibrations. Good Vibrations anyone?

3. Enjoy Nature Get out! Being outdoors will help you come back to knowing you are a part of it all…and it is all a part of you. Nature provides comfort with its beauty and subtle but constant changes. Take time to notice the details.

"There's a miracle each moment that's unfolding just for you

All you have to do is look around you."

-from God Is The Sun, God Is The Moon*

4. Pet Something Furry Pet the cat, or dog, or any other animal handy. If you don't have your own, you can always borrow one. Animals have the unique ability to be fully present in the moment, not worrying about the future or regretting the past. And the moment we spend time with them, we join them in the moment!

5. Give Yourself a Faith Lift Give yourself a Faith Lift by re-reading a favorite spiritual passage or by recalling moments of deep connection or even simply lifting your heart to the Divine. Allow it to open even more fully, loving more, appreciating more.

"Love is the freedom, love is the way

Love is a choice that we make everyday. Love is the answer to every fear

Love is the reason we're here."

-from Love*

There are many wonderful ways to come back to balance. The key is to find the ones that work for YOU, and to let your natural well being lead you every step of the way.

*Lyrics from Transitions – Music to Soothe the Soul by Sandi Kimmel

Sandi Kimmel is a Musical Motivational Speaker and Joy Maker, using her songs, her words and her heart to light the path for readers and audiences worldwide. Called "a lifeguard in a sea of negativity," she has been on the Law of Attraction path for many years, and together with her husband, Patrick Murphy, provide tips and techniques on how to find better feeling thoughts on the journey to authenticity. Visit http://www.lawofattractiongateway.com for more uplifting ideas and articles, Musical Affirmations and more.

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Health About Sexual Health

Do you ever wonder what goes on in a federal prison camp? What does an inmate do all day? As a former federal prison camp inmate I will give you a brief overview of one camp and then you can decide for yourself, is this punishment or is it just a vacation.

First let me begin with the housing arrangement. Use your imagination and picture a large empty warehouse building with heating and air conditioning, add 64 bunk beds with a locker and chair next to each one. Then add three offices one for a correctional officer and the other two for administrative use, one recreation supply room, one exercise room with four pieces of equipment, laundry room with eight washers and dryers plus an ice machine, three closed in TV rooms with a larger TV in the open, fourteen private showers with plenty hot water and a large restroom with a separate lavatory area.

Second is the food service. Breakfast was from 6:00 am every morning weekdays and 7:00 am on weekends with food ranging from fruits, cereal and milk to prepared eggs with toast. Lunch was always schedule for 11:00am and dinner at 4:00 pm with a menu that consisted of a simple peanut butter sandwich and hot dog to baked turkey with all the trimmings. The food quantity is abundant and quality was like at a university or school cafeteria.

Third was an assigned work details. The work mainly assigned to inmates consisted of maintaining the federal prison camp and high security prison next door from 7:00 am to 4:00 pm weekdays with an hour lunch. Work was first assigned to those with specific skills. For example a mechanic worked in the garage maintaining the fleet of government vehicles, a welder was assigned to the welding shop for institution needs, someone skilled in heating and air was assigned to the maintenance department, and those with computer and administrative skills would work in education, administration or on a computer. The other work details ranged from food service to janitorial or landscaping to warehouse workers. Did you know that inmates were paid and hourly wage for their work? A prison inmates income in the federal prison camp usually ranges from a few dollars to over a hundred per month depending on the work detail they are assigned to.

Fourth is recreation and leisure time. After seven hours of work and afternoon dinner every inmate spends time on their own interest or just relaxing. Inmate activities consisting of watching TV all night, drawing and painting in the art room, leather craft, reading and writing in the library, listening to music or watch educational materials provided by the prison camp administration, walking around the track, exercise, play recreational sports like basketball, soccer, handball, flag football, baseball, volleyball or ping pong, some take time to do laundry, taking a nap or playing cards and dominos with other inmates.

Fifth is weekend visitation. Families are allowed to visit their loved ones from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm Saturday and Sunday. Visitation takes place in an open area where everything is visible and usually only one correctional officer is monitoring the visit. Up to five family members can visit with an inmate for the entire time and on some occasions with permission more than five. It looks like a big family reunion with all the kids playing and adults talking.

Sixth is religion. Every inmate is free to worship whatever faith they follow. Federal prison chaplains are available to see that time and schedules are set aside for inmates to worship. Volunteers and church groups visit often to provide church services and bible studies to inmates.
Seventh is the medical facility. If an inmate was to get sick or hurt a medical team is on staff to handle any situation as well local hospitals for emergencies.

Finally there is the commissary. This is provided to inmates once every week where they can shop and purchase any variety of items from chips and candy to multi vitamins, stamps and birthday cards to over the counter medication. The commissary is similar to the mini-marts you stop to get gas and with similar prices. So if an inmate is unhappy with a particular menu that day he can always fall back on a microwavable dish from the commissary and TV watching always goes better with a hot bag of buttered popcorn.

Well now you know the facts about one United States federal prison camp. What do you think is it punishment or is it a vacation?

Former prison camp inmate speaks out at http://www.formerprisoninmate.com Learn the truth from inmate talk and know the facts first hand what goes on in a United States federal prison camp.

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